...and I'm nearly old enuf to be my own grandpa. One passed away in 1968 nearly a year after, and due to complications from, massive cardio-vascular surgery. He smoked a tobacco pipe, and his diet was highfat, high sodium, and he was frequently exposed to petroleum based woodfinishing products, now known to cause cancer in some states. The other lived until his 90's, I'm pretty sure, smoked Chesterfields for decades, worked as a welder in the shipyards, was exposed to asbestos during the war, and ultimately succumbed to prostate cancer. Hmmm.
On the other hand, I nearly died of stage 4 lymphoma before I was even fully diagnosed at age 57. It would've looked like asphyxiation. Boom.
5 years ago.
There were times during treatment that I didn't know how I felt. It became a running joke, are you ok, what does that mean? How am I supposed to know? These days at times, I am, or seems more aware than I was then, at least about how I feel, which is rarely consistent but can change at random.
And I'm still here, plugging along, slower than before, yet comparison to 4 years ago is difficult because my memory of walking to the grocery, or anything else, is skewed with distortions and scenes that don't sit easily in a timeline.
But how do I feel now?
5 years ago.
There were times during treatment that I didn't know how I felt. It became a running joke, are you ok, what does that mean? How am I supposed to know? These days at times, I am, or seems more aware than I was then, at least about how I feel, which is rarely consistent but can change at random.
And I'm still here, plugging along, slower than before, yet comparison to 4 years ago is difficult because my memory of walking to the grocery, or anything else, is skewed with distortions and scenes that don't sit easily in a timeline.
But how do I feel now?
