Well I made it to 62, and why is that significant? It's a wonder....

I made it past 60, I mean I was 57 when I was diagnosed stage 4, you may have read I started this blog in October of 2012. It's been a "ride" like staying the full 8 seconds on a rodeo bull. Complete with clowns, not always on my side but they did add to the entertainment value. And the rodeo goes on, but it is not all about me. I appreciate the room to rant whether it made sense or not I needed to get that out I think you know my style is "stream of consciousness," in my case the conscious part is the important take a way here, since I'm lucky enough to have a coherent thought that doesn't fly away like a misguided Roman candle or a rogue missile with Slim Pickens waving his hat while riding bareback (he never saw the earth coming at him but he knew...) to his fate or destiny depending upon your perspective. Even at that it hard to say where it all leads and will it ultimately matter any more than that? Cue up galaxy swallowing black holes, think Roomba on gamma ray Hulk inducing steroids and you could speculate that universe threatening space pollution may have met it's match. In fact they might equal what we've come to know as disease gobbling white cells, in a macrocosmic scale. Do they really know who's body they live in anyway?  Perspective, remember? The hard you look at it the fuzzier it gets.... nonetheless, back here on the local level, we still feel what affects us very keenly. But what exactly is that? Can we identify that stimulus? Could we stop it's effect if we knew what it was and is it always the same thing? Well maybe not, and there's the rub Rocky, we're in a stew of electromagnetic, chemical, subatomic, diffuse and diverse ingredients and they aren't all naturally occurring without external influence.... but I digress. Where am I in that...? Well, I'm surviving, in spite of the side effects which were not always (never tell me the odds) clear to me, and perhaps it is the strong effect of being totally naive about that which gave me the courage to keep going. Let me tell you though about the power of love, though I really couldn't quantify it, or even describe the actual function. I'd have to admit that there's no singular thing I could prescribe that would be the silver bullet, talisman, or potion that does the trick. It's all of it, in various proportions, on a per case basis, no sheet music boys and girls, the conductor is blind drunk and deaf as a doorknob, just pay attention to the harmonic ambiance and remember to have a good time... if you can... however you can.... because if you can't find the fun in it why are you here anyway? So... blind luck, https://youtu.be/g79ESMJXgrU
magic pacmen (and women), with bold determination, and unshakable love, mixed with our most scientifically plotted potions and voila! Life! And every. Single. Glorious. Day. Is a tremendous gift. For which all I can offer in return is my gratitude and appreciation of every moment as best I can with no guarantees.
Until next time....

Four years now... since we started this little project on October 12, 2012...

...and I'm still here to tell the tale. Oh my, I fared better than many it's true, and my latest scans are good so you would think, or at least I would, that the recovery might have included a reset button... but I merely try to pick up where I left off. Apparently the side effects of my treatments are not always talked about until you ask. Prednisone is not so innocent as it's assumed to be, at least I lived long enough to be diagnosed with the cataracts that is slowly changing my vision. We're gonna"look" at that again in a few months to "see" if it's become a treatable problem. It can be done with surgery which has advanced greatly since my grandmother had hers done in the late 60's. The 1960's. Yes we've come a long way since then... but hey all rants aside, George Carlin did a great job, Denis Leary, but even then they only scratched the surface leaving one to draw their own conclusions (nice of them, eh?), so 4 years and some rough road later (it's gonna be a bumpy ride!) here we are. Surviving. Try to catch my YouTube channel (see above) for my Open Mic Tour, and postings of earlier recording with PAGASYS set to slideshows of photos taken at the time, as available. It has been hit and miss in past years, and is largely depending on my daily energy levels. Actually I'm a low-key alternative to the current political climate, come in for a drink and a show. No cover, no guarantee, please tip your waitress....
Did I mention I quit the "maintenance infusion" ride? Yeah, that carnival is over, I just couldn't take the stress anymore. Evidently it's a common side effect and they were probably taking bets on how long I'd last. Well my body was telling me (loudly) that doing more was pointless. So far, so good... you know you must listen when your body tells you, ignore at your own peril. Still we live in perilous times, don't forget your hat...

It may have been a while...

...sometimes it's hard to know. Like what font setting this is on, it looks huge. Well my recent rituxin maintenance infusion was not as easy as previous infusions (and those only barely resemble a picnic because I got a nice little box lunch and snacks, it's the only time I mix a short can of Sprite with Ocean Spray cranberry cocktail...), the prednisone ride, while usually more fun, jacked my heart rate and blood pressure way up and held it there like Bugs Bunny in that gag https://youtu.be/zy5f87-kl8c with the opera singer, and the fear that I might stroke out and die was all too real and not mere anxiety.
I'm reading all these new reports come out that confirm what we earth hugging "hippies" warned about but were blown off like the climate change deniers blow now. Yes, I told you so, and it was allowed to go on anyway (well I know whattayagonnado anyway it's bigger than us let's go get a pizza and a 12 pack...) yeah it's bigger, well it's fucking huge now like that 2nd head on that guys shoulder... wait till it starts talking back, then what? Oh wait. It's now the republican tea party, augh...!
Yeah it's been a ride (8 seconds my ass), here come the stooges. I get no thrill from seeing so many people get sick and die. This ain't no video game, they don't get rebooted like nothing ever happened and you get to muligan again, and again, and...
So, really, this is serious shit, you might be better off jobless and homeless, because they'll take it all from you for the treatment to save your life, since they won't even cover a retired cop with a terminal disease (much cheaper if he dies anyway, pay his widow from the annuities on his retirement, you think they don't make money on that? Boy are you naive). I'm not sorry if I sound cynical, this is reality, albeit candy coated for this space, you belivers in Rump or $hillary or even that nice civil rights activist who tried to change things from the inside... naive. You really think the bums don't run things? We wonder why we just figured out that "bullying" is a national problem. What? Are you fucking kidding me? It's a National Fucking Institution. Like religion and war and racism and... I mean it's EVERYWHERE! And people condone like it's as natural as... nature. So... you say it teaches you to be strong huh? No... it teaches you to like it while being raped so you don't get it worse.
I'm not being nice today, I gave it up for Lent (no I'm not even Catholic) I'm being HONEST. Good thing this is a Free Country and you can speak your mind.

I'll let that digest a while...